So, here I am. I am alive! I realize it’s been well over a month since I last posted. There are so many things that are going on in my life right now, and I know you’re all dying to know. I have enough to blog about everyday for the next two weeks. But, the question is whether or not it should be blogged about. So I’d rather not risk it.
So why do I have a blog in the first place? I don’t have anything clever to say, or anything particularly funny to share. I feel like the thoughts that I have and the things I do are only understood to me, like no one out there completely gets me. My blog is to share the times that I am happiest, the times I am the saddest. The times I’m completely angry, the times I have reoccurring thoughts I just can’t get rid of. The times I learn something new, the times I set new goals for myself. I know I haven’t done a very good job of blogging on a regular basis, I’ve just kind of been in a slump lately. I keep to myself more so than I have my entire life. Which leads to the purpose of the title of this post…
I feel like I’m discovering who I am all over again. I thought I had figured that out a long time ago. There are things I used to love that I don’t anymore. There are things I used to hate, but now love. There are things I’ve tried that I never thought I’d have the courage to do. There are just so many things about me I didn’t know existed or would ever exist until recently. And there is just one experience after the other that changes my perceptions and opinions about life. I can’t help but be human and feel like I’m stuck and alone. Sometimes I feel like everyone else is smarter than me and that I don’t have the ability to understand complex or basic concepts.
But the best thing I’ve discovered is that some things are meant to change, and that I will never be alone.
There is one little bit of my patriarchal blessing I feel is appropriate to share. It says, “You will have to make decisions in your life and Heavenly Father is giving you the promise that He will respond to your sincere prayers as you go to Him in faith and as you believe that He will answer you, He will indeed do so. Sister Leah, you will never be alone in your life. Heavenly Father is giving you rich blessings. He is giving you the strength to understand the things you learn.”
What a comfort that is to me! And I love that it can be applied to everyone. Even when I am confused and don’t know what will come of difficult decisions, or I am at the lowest of lows, I do know what I want out of my earthly existence, and I know what my ultimate goal is. I know that I would be lost without the Gospel. I am forever in debt to the Savior. I know that I’m a daughter of God, and that I have a purpose in being on the earth at this time. I’m thankful to be blessed with such great family members and friends (who have become like family) that care so much about me and love me, no matter what good decisions or stupid mistakes I make. I’ve come to learn that I need to be humble enough to ask for a priesthood blessing sometimes. I’m grateful for the priesthood, and the friends I have that honor it and live worthily to be able to use it. The blessings I receive from Jesus Christ through those friends are just more of a testimony to me that God is completely aware of me.
How can anyone believe that Christ doesn’t live? I’ve never ever doubted it. I can see it in every detail. I feel His love and presence constantly. I hope I can continue to strengthen my relationship with Him.